Not Wanting to See People

Summary

Not Wanting to See People explore aging, self-perception, and isolation—poetic meditations on identity, acceptance, and resilience at dreamwhack.

Not wanting to see people and not wanting to be seen by people. You reach a point in your life when the years have transformed your appearance. You do not want to be exposed to public view. Being a recluse feels more comfortable to you. Isolation is not what you want but when you look at yourself in the mirror, self-quarantine becomes a practical choice.

For a time, you use whatever cosmetic techniques you find valuable. They help mask the appearance of aging. Eventually, you reach the ultimate conclusion that camouflage is hopeless. Disguising yourself is no longer an adequate substitute to reality and acceptance. The years have won. Now what?

You avoid being photographed as much as possible. Little things like taking out the trash becomes a concealment project. A knock at the door or a ring on the phone becomes a compromising effort. An underlying sadness is part of your life. It is as real as age spots, sunspots, or liver spots. You call them solar lentigines, solar lentigo, or whatever you choose.

You shut the camera off during a video conference. You only use the audio because you do not want to see yourself. Nor do you want to be seen by the other party. You prefer online shopping rather than brick and mortar shopping. You don’t go to the beach and just sit and watch the ocean anymore. The press of time has total control of your behavior.

There is nothing that you can do. The vibrational frequencies of the universe can care less about you. The grave has a knife and fork waiting for you. The Moon continues to move away from the Earth at about 1.49 inches (3.78 centimeters) per year and your beauty as a youth nor your lack of it in your old age has any influence on this.

But there is hope. In a few million years, the Milky Way galaxy will merge with the Andromeda galaxy. It will become a Lenticular galaxy. It will have no spiral arms and little star formation. This galaxy will emit various types of radiation. Such emissions accelerate the aging process.

So, what do I do in the meantime? Should I stay shut in as much as possible to avoid being seen? Or should I stop focusing on my appearance and go about my business? The latter is the wiser choice. Yet, feeling good about oneself is a juggling act. It takes extraordinarily little to fall out of balance.

Aging is not a process; it is an ongoing demolition having nothing good that comes out of it. People have searched for a fountain of youth for as long as they have been on Earth. They want a magic elixir to stop aging’s bulldozing of beauty and vigor. They have found nothing. Which leaves me hiding in shadows and quiet to draw little attention.

But it’s Ok because in my dreams I am not old and gray. As a matter of fact, I can’t recall any dream where I look as I do now. My behavior is not stellar, but I am always youthful in my dreams.

There is only one conclusion I can draw from this. There is an earth vibrational frequency where time does not exist in the same form. Matter also does not exist in the same form. This is different from the carbon-based earth vibrational frequency. This is the vibrational frequency I will inhabit when carbon-based forms have disintegrated.

The magic elixir of youth is where the Milky Way galaxy is in the universe. Its rotation speed forms the vibrational frequencies. Mortals call these frequencies time and matter.