Not Wanting to See People

Summary

Grappling with some deep and complex feelings about aging and self-perception. It’s completely natural to feel this way as we all go through changes in our lives.

Not wanting to see people and not wanting to be seen by people. You reach a point in your life when the years have transformed your appearance where you do not want to be exposed to public view. Being a recluse feels more comfortable to you. Isolation is not what you want but when you look at yourself in the mirror, self-quarantine becomes a viable option.

For a time, you use whatever cosmetic techniques valuable to mask the appearance of aging until you reach the ultimate conclusion that camouflage is hopeless. Disguising yourself is no longer an adequate alternative to reality and acceptance. The years have won. Now what?

You avoid being photographed as much as possible. Little things like taking out the trash becomes a concealment project. A knock at the door or a ring on the phone becomes a compromising endeavor. An underlying sadness is as much a part of your life as age spots, sunspots, liver spots, solar lentigines, solar lentigo, or whatever you choose to call them.

During a video conference you shut the camera off and only use the audio because you do not want to see yourself nor be seen by the other party. You prefer online shopping rather than brick and mortar shopping. You don’t go to the beach and just sit and watch the ocean anymore. The press of time as complete control of your behavior.

There is nothing that you can do. The vibrational frequencies of the universe can care less about you. The grave has a knife and fork waiting for you. The Moon continues to move away from the Earth at about 1.49 inches (3.78 centimeters) per year and your beauty as a youth nor your lack of it in your old age has any influence on this.

But there is hope. In a few million years the Milky Way galaxy will have merged with the Andromeda galaxy and become a Lenticular galaxy having no spiral arms and little star formation that emits various types of radiation which accelerates the aging process.

So, what do I do in the meantime? Stay shut in as much as possible to avoid being seen or stop focusing on my appearance and go about my business? The latter is the wiser but feeling good about oneself is a juggling act that takes extraordinarily little to fall out of balance.

Aging is not a process; it is an ongoing demolition having nothing good that comes out of it. As long as there have been people on the earth they have searched for a fountain of youth or some form of magic elixir to stop the aging bulldozing of beauty and vigor, to no avail. Which leaves me hiding in shadows and quiet to draw little attention.

But it’s ok because in my dreams I am not old and gray. As a matter of fact, I cannot recall any dream where I look as I do now. My behavior may not be stellar, but I am always youthful in my dreams.

The only thing that I can make of this is that there is an earth vibrational frequency where time and matter does not exist in the same form as in the carbon-based earth vibrational frequency, and this is the vibrational frequency I will inhabit when carbon-based have disintegrated.

The magic elixir of youth is where the Milky Way galaxy is in the universe and the speed of its rotation that forms the vibrational frequencies that mortals call time and matter.